Where Do We Go From Here?

There’s a change on the horizon.  There’s an evolution that is about to begin that will readjust everything that I’m so comfortable with.  I like my comfortable place.  I don’t really want to make the effort to change it.  If I change it I might not like what happens.  I might not like the results.

Why?

Is it just fear?  Am I so numbed by the simple monotony of the way I do things today that I can’t feel the excitement of a new way of doing things?  What if my world changes so much that I no longer have the type of roles that I do now?  Will I still matter?  I don’t know anything else.  I don’t have anything else to gauge my existence.  Progress is charted by the standards that I’ve used my whole life.  They are great standards.  They’ve been around for hundreds of years.  Why do I have to be the one to change?  I hate change.

Then again…..

I hate complacency.  I can’t imagine standing still.  I don’t want to.  Doing things the same way over and over will only get the same results.  Do I like the results of my efforts?  Some of them.  I used to really like them.  I loved the kinds of things that made me feel that I had done a great job.  It was easy to see.  Everything was big and active and really seemed to be going somewhere.

Then it stopped.

No it didn’t.  I did.

I had to.  I couldn’t go any further the direction I was going.  There were too many things that seemed…..I don’t know….fake?  Most of it was me.  I can’t speak for anyone around me.  I just needed to feel real.  I needed to be alive.  I needed to breathe in the very essence of God and know that what I was doing meant something, that I wasn’t just creating another statistic for someone to put on a piece of paper.  I wanted to change.

Now I remember.  I wanted this.  I wanted to change.  I wanted to move on from my "comfort zone" and realize something amazing.  I wanted to get out of the rut.  It’s just that I get scared, you know?  Sometimes it’s not so easy to change.  Sometimes I look at something new and I can’t figure out how it could possibly work.  It freaks me out.  I get totally overwhelmed by the thought that what I’m doing now isn’t enough.  Why can’t I just be satisfied?  That would be so much easier than changing things.  If I could just get my mind to shut down for one minute.

One measly, little minute.  60 seconds of silence.

Maybe I could forget……….

Who am I kidding.  Myself?  God?  I can’t forget.  I can’t walk back.  I can’t stop changing.  But I can’t control this environment, either.  There’s no shape, no structure.  How am I supposed to make anything of this if there’s no organization?  How am I supposed to gauge if what I’m doing is right?  None of the models that I’ve always used fit here.  I’m excited, I’m scared, I’ve found something new, and yet…….

I’m lost.  I’m totally, irreversibly lost.

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."         Matt. 10:39

Since when did not being in control become the way to do things?  I know, I know.  It’s just hard to remember.  This thing is so untamed, so……organic.  Aren’t we supposed to contain our spirituality?  Aren’t we supposed to have guidelines?  They make me feel safe, secure.  They make sure that I have absolutes of right and wrong.  They…keep….me….in….control.

Wow.  I’m scared of losing myself.  I’m scared of allowing someone else to be in control.  I’m scared of allowing Him to be in control.  It’s not the journey that has been my compass.  I guess it’s been me.

I’ve done easy.  I can do that in my sleep.  It’s too easy.  I guess it IS time to change.  Man, that freaks me out.  I can’t see what’s over the edge.  I can’t put this one together.

Where do we go from here?

I guess we get lost.

Texas Board Voting on Bible Classes

Here’s a topic just brimming with the opportunity for extremely controversial conversation.  Considering the fact that I’ve never been one to walk away from the controversy I’ll just dive in.  (The waters of conflict are quite warm!)

There’s a news report that has come out stating that the Texas house is voting on recommendations for the approval of classes in public schools that are teaching the history and literary aspects of the Bible.  Unless you’ve lived under a really large stone over the past, say, 50 years you understand what a huge statement this is and how much conflict is involved in the decision.  On one hand, if a politician votes against the idea they will be seen by some more conservative groups as bashing God and risk re-election.  On the other hand, if they vote for it they can be seen by the other side as trying to force God and Christianity onto our children and using a state governed agency to do it.  It’s an extremely slippery slope to be on.  I must say that I’m really glad that I don’t make my living trying to work the process in Austin.  Too many people to upset!

I must say, though, that even by writing about this issue I am opening myself up to the same type of controversy.  As one of the spiritual leaders of a church I am subject to the scrutinization of everyone who reads what I say in the public forum.  Due to the fact that we have pre-conceived notions of what a pastor should or shouldn’t say I place myself at the mercy of the reader by expressing my personal opinions or even taking a side.  Popular church culture has drawn some very defined lines in the sand on this issue.  Anything that I say can be seen as overbearing and inconsiderate to those who want to keep church & the public schools separate.  On the other hand if I take a more tolerant stance I could feasibly damage the perception that my more conservative friends have of me.  A slippery slope, indeed.

This discussion often brings people to the point of stating that some people are not really "Friends of God" because they don’t see a real reason for public schools to specifically teach the Bible as curriculum.  I’ve heard principals and teachers accused of being atheists because they set up guidelines for English class projects and stated that the students had to use specific books and left out the bible as part of the list.  I’ve also sat in meetings where Christians have said that our rights are being ignored because our children aren’t being taught creationism or because whole school prayer has been taken out of the daily life of the classroom.

Knowing that there’s the capability to upset someone with my thoughts I have to think "What is the most important thing in this discussion considering that I’m a Christian?"  Is it that the Bible needs to be put back at the front of the classroom for everyone to see?  Is it that I need to fight for anything that has the label "Christianity" on it simply because of the label?  Am I concerned about the faith and beliefs of my own children because the schools want to take a neutral stance?

I think from a Christ point of view that I might be missing the point.  I’m not sure that Christ would create a huge fight about prayer and bibles being used in schools.  (I apologize to all of my more conservative friends.  I love you deeply.  I’m just conversing here.) The only time I saw Christ ready to fight was in His father’s house as people were making a mockery of the holiness of God.  That was definitely a time to turn over tables.  I don’t remember him going into the government buildings and raising a ruckus over the fact that the Ten Commandments were not put on the front steps of Herod’s palace.  He was more concerned with what was happening in the places where God is supposed to be professed in truthful and honest ways.  Today it’s much easier for us to get upset about prayer and the bible in school, about the ten commandments in the courthouse, and about evolution vs. creationism because facing the problems that we have within our own house of worship might mean changing what we do and we might even have to admit that we are wrong on some housekeeping issues.  I’ve seen things inside this amazing community we call church that scare me alot more than whether someone else’s child is made to pray because I want mine to.

Understand my heart here:  I am a card carrying, Christ loving, over the top believer of God.  I want Him to be a part of every aspect of my life.  I want my children to have faith in a God that can direct them, lead them, love them, and care for them.  I’m really not afraid to tell anyone that I am a Christ follower.  This is my life.  I have embraced it.  I have hope for others to pursue this same path and journey.  I celebrate the idea that anyone decides that the pursuit of Christ is something that they will take on personally.  I believe God to be the one true God.  Things are that simple for me.

For that reason I believe that my faith is my faith.  I pray for others to grab onto that same faith.  I don’t, though, want to force anyone into believing.  I think that causes more problems for God than He really needs.  What’s the use in having faith if you were forced to believe in God "whether you like it or not"?  I see a much different path with God.  Believing because you love Him.  Believing because, due to the idea of free will, you chose to pursue Him with all your heart.  I decided to follow Jesus because of love, not fear.

Do I believe that the bible should be taught in school?  As with any piece of literature I think that it can be used very effectively.  I also believe that as literature the Koran and other books of spiritual history can be used the same way.  Does that mean that I want my children taking those ideas on as faith?  No, but then again I don’t want any teacher in a public school teaching my children ANYTHING about faith.  I want them to teach what they studied and know.  I want a math teacher to teach math, a science teacher to teach science, and the music teacher sure better teach some wonderful and divers music.  I want my church and community of believers to teach God.

Is there a place for the bible in schools?  Sure.  There’s a place for everything.  But if I’m going to start turning over tables in the central court I think I’ll stick to doing it in the place that Jesus was most concerned about.  His father’s house.

You can read the articles from today on the Texas votes HERE.