5 years of marital bliss!

On August 24th, 2001 Alison made me the luckiest man on earth.  Seems like we’ve been married longer than 5 years, but in a good way.  I’m amazed at how good life can be when you find someone that totally connects with you.  Ah, yes, she completes me!!

Alison,

You stand by my side through all of the good and the bad times.  You have supported me when I needed it most.  Even when all of this crazy notion of starting a new church came up and we knew that it would impact not only us but the whole family (and, most likely, everyone we knew) you were the first one to say "Let’s go".  I never have any doubt that you are and will be there for me.  You have never been worried about how much attention you get from everyone and I’ve watched you do so much for so many people behind the scenes.  Your heart is so pure and you absolutely make me a better man.  There’s nothing that I could ask you to change.  I love our life just as it is.

Thank you for marrying me and making me happier than I could have ever imagined.  I know everyone else appreciates it, too:)

I Love You,

Andy

The Separation Between Church & “church”

Church.  Immediate mental images, aren’t there?  Over the past two years I’ve really looked at what that word means.  Is it a building that we go to for worship?  Is it the people who attend and worship in that building?  Is it that act of going to a worship service? (I’m going to church on Sunday)  Are people who don’t go to the "church" building a part of the church?  Where does it begin and where does it end?  These are just a few of the questions that have inundated my mind for some time now.

Here’s what has become the most important image to me. (Disclaimer: I’m saying that as ME, not YOU.  This is stated so that we look at where we are and where we are going.  It’s not law, it is opinion.)  I see the church in a much wider scope than I ever did before.  A global, more organic form, if you will.  You see, in the past I had always viewed the idea of "church" as whatever particular group I was a part of.  Church was the local congregation that I participated in activities with.  It was the denomination that we were part of.  Essentially my point of view was very narrow.  Now if you had asked me at any time about the "church" on the whole and other denominations or groups I would have given you a very accepting answer.  I would never detract from another denomination, but inside and even behind closed doors (usually in staff meetings and such) I would make statements that basically said that we knew what God wanted and I hoped everyone else would figure it out before it was too late.  I’m really not even sure exactly what I was thinking most of the time.  I don’t think that I ever thought that any other "church" was not a church, but I didn’t take their differences from what WE believed as being valid, either.  I guess in a way it was like "I know they believe in God, but they sure are going to have alot of stuff that they will have to answer to later!".  I’m not totally sure about the whole thing but I do know that my thinking was extremely linear and even left me extremely concerned about friends and family that didn’t believe the same way that I did.  The interesting thing was that my concerns were not over whether they believed in God or not.  My concerns were that they weren’t baptized the right way or believed that you could lose your salvation or that they saw the bible as a collections of teachings and not the exact, accurate words of God almighty.  I was not as accepting as I MYSELF believed I was.

When we started this journey forward I was faced with some realities that called me to either accept or condemn.  The understanding came that I could not waffle on issues and say that one person is totally wrong on something that was not a deal breaker (like baptism) and then support someone else just because of relationship or not wanting to upset them.  If I truly believed what the bible said then I was going to have to move above the levels of separation and look at things from a much wider view.  In other words, Jesus did not live by denominational or cultural confines.  He lived above the fray.  He was not concerned about which church you went to.  He was only concerned with who you believed in.  Of course, it would be easy to challenge these statements since He was the beginning of the religion that we know today.  He didn’t have the same objectives, you could argue.  I wonder, though, if our objectives are supposed to be different.  Is the separation that has been cultivated over the past 1000 years really what He had in mind?  Of course not.  Jesus was starting a movement of unity, not division.  Division came later and, for the most part, at our own hands.

As I write here quite often I am writing as a person trying to get above the fray. I want to see "The Church", not just church.  I personally hope to see a movement of people who don’t want simply an activity to attend on Sundays or a more social group to be a part of.  These things should, I believe, be byproducts of something greater.  Am I concerned about the state of churches on the whole when I attend meetings with church leaders that are telling me to "get in with the influential people in your town so that your church can grow quicker"?  Yes, I am.  That’s not a slam at the church on the whole.  It is a statement, though, that I believe would be relevant to Christ.  Am I concerned about the direction of the church on the whole when we are spending so much time on recruitment and draw and not on the individual and their life? Yes, I have to admit that I am.  Now, I’m not talking about any particular church.  I’m talking about every church and that includes NETChurch.  None of us corner the market on "right" in God’s eyes, I’m sure.  I believe, though, that if we can all move our concentration away from the entertainment value of drawing numbers and convert that into really specific individual ministry then we will have a much better and healthier track than the one that most of us are on.

Here’s what I mean:  In the multiple churches that I have been a part of (& the numbers are numerous) there was always this drive to "top" last year.  If we had a Christmas performance then we needed to do bigger and better to keep momentum going.  When we did VBS we first asked the question "How many did we have last year" and then set out to do better this year. The same thing happened with our weekly worship services.  If there were 250 this week then we wanted to see the same or larger next week.  If it got stagnant then the conversations became "How do we change this so that more people will come?".  Though we were basically thoughtful of the individuals that made up that number we were most concerned about making sure the number stayed close to the same or better.  In other words, as long as the numbers are consistent HOW we got there doesn’t matter as much. I know that sounds harsh and like I’m being critical.  If I am then I’m being critical towards myself.  I have created and perpetuated this idea as much or more than anyone.

I’m trying to figure out how to become a part of "The Church" as this huge body of believers that stretches beyond the points of the imagination and leave behind the idea of "church" as a place that we go to have a service, do our time, and then leave.  In a perfect world the church will be a living, breathing entity that encompasses all who believe in Jesus Christ. It will take on new and exciting ways of expressing itself and will be concerned about the individual that God created more than the crowd that is nameless. The beauty will be greater than we have ever imagined.

Does this mean that I’m burned out on church, hating the very existence that has been the backbone of my life?  No.  It means that I’m excited.  Excited that some of us really want to see worship and not performance.  And those people already exist in every ministry on the face of this earth.  Is "The Church" dead?  Far from it.  I think that to an extent the church is looking at the family’s history and, in a very grown up way, saying "Maybe they knew what they were talking about back then". There is no perfect church.  Flaws are there in all of our ministries.  What will eventually separate "The Church" from CHURCH will be simply focus.  Who are we focused on?  If we are focused on Christ then what are we doing that looks like Him and points towards Him and not towards ourselves?

This discussion has gone on for years and years.  It hasn’t ended and never will.  I hope that I will be one of those that sees change as a necessary and beautiful thing, not a detraction from today or yesterday.  Hopefully I will be able to distinguish and help "The Church" become what God needs it to be.

All I can do is continue to try.

The Separation Between Church & “church”

Church.  Immediate mental images, aren’t there?  Over the past two years I’ve really looked at what that word means.  Is it a building that we go to for worship?  Is it the people who attend and worship in that building?  Is it that act of going to a worship service? (I’m going to church on Sunday)  Are people who don’t go to the "church" building a part of the church?  Where does it begin and where does it end?  These are just a few of the questions that have inundated my mind for some time now.

Here’s what has become the most important image to me. (Disclaimer: I’m saying that as ME, not YOU.  This is stated so that we look at where we are and where we are going.  It’s not law, it is opinion.)  I see the church in a much wider scope than I ever did before.  A global, more organic form, if you will.  You see, in the past I had always viewed the idea of "church" as whatever particular group I was a part of.  Church was the local congregation that I participated in activities with.  It was the denomination that we were part of.  Essentially my point of view was very narrow.  Now if you had asked me at any time about the "church" on the whole and other denominations or groups I would have given you a very accepting answer.  I would never detract from another denomination, but inside and even behind closed doors (usually in staff meetings and such) I would make statements that basically said that we knew what God wanted and I hoped everyone else would figure it out before it was too late.  I’m really not even sure exactly what I was thinking most of the time.  I don’t think that I ever thought that any other "church" was not a church, but I didn’t take their differences from what WE believed as being valid, either.  I guess in a way it was like "I know they believe in God, but they sure are going to have alot of stuff that they will have to answer to later!".  I’m not totally sure about the whole thing but I do know that my thinking was extremely linear and even left me extremely concerned about friends and family that didn’t believe the same way that I did.  The interesting thing was that my concerns were not over whether they believed in God or not.  My concerns were that they weren’t baptized the right way or believed that you could lose your salvation or that they saw the bible as a collections of teachings and not the exact, accurate words of God almighty.  I was not as accepting as I MYSELF believed I was.

When we started this journey forward I was faced with some realities that called me to either accept or condemn.  The understanding came that I could not waffle on issues and say that one person is totally wrong on something that was not a deal breaker (like baptism) and then support someone else just because of relationship or not wanting to upset them.  If I truly believed what the bible said then I was going to have to move above the levels of separation and look at things from a much wider view.  In other words, Jesus did not live by denominational or cultural confines.  He lived above the fray.  He was not concerned about which church you went to.  He was only concerned with who you believed in.  Of course, it would be easy to challenge these statements since He was the beginning of the religion that we know today.  He didn’t have the same objectives, you could argue.  I wonder, though, if our objectives are supposed to be different.  Is the separation that has been cultivated over the past 1000 years really what He had in mind?  Of course not.  Jesus was starting a movement of unity, not division.  Division came later and, for the most part, at our own hands.

As I write here quite often I am writing as a person trying to get above the fray. I want to see "The Church", not just church.  I personally hope to see a movement of people who don’t want simply an activity to attend on Sundays or a more social group to be a part of.  These things should, I believe, be byproducts of something greater.  Am I concerned about the state of churches on the whole when I attend meetings with church leaders that are telling me to "get in with the influential people in your town so that your church can grow quicker"?  Yes, I am.  That’s not a slam at the church on the whole.  It is a statement, though, that I believe would be relevant to Christ.  Am I concerned about the direction of the church on the whole when we are spending so much time on recruitment and draw and not on the individual and their life? Yes, I have to admit that I am.  Now, I’m not talking about any particular church.  I’m talking about every church and that includes NETChurch.  None of us corner the market on "right" in God’s eyes, I’m sure.  I believe, though, that if we can all move our concentration away from the entertainment value of drawing numbers and convert that into really specific individual ministry then we will have a much better and healthier track than the one that most of us are on.

Here’s what I mean:  In the multiple churches that I have been a part of (& the numbers are numerous) there was always this drive to "top" last year.  If we had a Christmas performance then we needed to do bigger and better to keep momentum going.  When we did VBS we first asked the question "How many did we have last year" and then set out to do better this year. The same thing happened with our weekly worship services.  If there were 250 this week then we wanted to see the same or larger next week.  If it got stagnant then the conversations became "How do we change this so that more people will come?".  Though we were basically thoughtful of the individuals that made up that number we were most concerned about making sure the number stayed close to the same or better.  In other words, as long as the numbers are consistent HOW we got there doesn’t matter as much. I know that sounds harsh and like I’m being critical.  If I am then I’m being critical towards myself.  I have created and perpetuated this idea as much or more than anyone.

I’m trying to figure out how to become a part of "The Church" as this huge body of believers that stretches beyond the points of the imagination and leave behind the idea of "church" as a place that we go to have a service, do our time, and then leave.  In a perfect world the church will be a living, breathing entity that encompasses all who believe in Jesus Christ. It will take on new and exciting ways of expressing itself and will be concerned about the individual that God created more than the crowd that is nameless. The beauty will be greater than we have ever imagined.

Does this mean that I’m burned out on church, hating the very existence that has been the backbone of my life?  No.  It means that I’m excited.  Excited that some of us really want to see worship and not performance.  And those people already exist in every ministry on the face of this earth.  Is "The Church" dead?  Far from it.  I think that to an extent the church is looking at the family’s history and, in a very grown up way, saying "Maybe they knew what they were talking about back then". There is no perfect church.  Flaws are there in all of our ministries.  What will eventually separate "The Church" from CHURCH will be simply focus.  Who are we focused on?  If we are focused on Christ then what are we doing that looks like Him and points towards Him and not towards ourselves?

This discussion has gone on for years and years.  It hasn’t ended and never will.  I hope that I will be one of those that sees change as a necessary and beautiful thing, not a detraction from today or yesterday.  Hopefully I will be able to distinguish and help "The Church" become what God needs it to be.

All I can do is continue to try.

aroma

I wake up most mornings in a complete fog.  I wish I was like other people.  You know the type.  They jump out of bed in the morning completely coherent and ready to take on the world.

Not me.

I’m more of the slow to somewhat lethargic riser.  I might wake up quite a few times during the night, but when it comes time for the alarm to go off I just seem to be in this heavy brained existence that doesn’t allow me to focus clearly.  My best friend (and one of the greatest inventions next to caller ID) is undeniably the snooze button.  Oh, the glory of being able to wake up just enough to touch one little button and seemingly freeze time in it’s tracks.

Every day, though, I slide my legs over the edge of the bed and sit up as I try to make sense of my surroundings.  It’s amazing that in just a few hours the bedroom that has become your sanctuary can be transformed into an alien landscape where reality and the unconscious collide.  Since my side of the bed is closest to the bathroom I always slowly, sometimes unsteadily, make my way to the mirror.  As I try to adjust my gaze to the lights in the room I’m always awakened by a soft, lilting scent that hangs in the air.  It’s the remnants of my wife’s perfume since she get’s ready each day just before I do.  It’s light and airy.  It’s the type of fragrance that brings you visions of beautiful flowers on a clear, sunlit day.  There’s an overwhelming calm that settles on me as I stand there drawing in the essence of her being close to me. 

Anytime that I encounter that smell I am instantly flooded with thoughts of her.  It’s almost overwhelming.  Even if she hasn’t worn it for a long time I will immediately think of her if I come across it in a store or passing by someone during the day.  It makes me think of beauty.   The act of putting perfume on is such a simple act for her and yet it induces the deepest, most personal reaction from me.  It’s not because of the scent, though.  It’s because of my love for Alison.  That fragrant bouquet is such an integral part my memories of the person I’m closest to.  Years from now I might encounter a small waft of that perfume somewhere and I will still see her in my mind, completely engrossed in the love that I have for her.

Aroma: The use of fragrance is powerful, sometimes almost overwhelming.  One scent can bring up memories of days long gone or people we haven’t seen in years.  It can illicit the most pleasant of reactions or make us change direction just so that we can avoid it.  The smell of a home cooked meal can make you salivate while at the same time flood you with thoughts of your home while growing up.  The sense of smell is often overlooked and yet it is one of the biggest indicators of the world surrounding us.  Without it our ability to taste food drastically changes.  Our connection with so many of our pleasant experiences is lost.  You can then understand why it seems so important, in a poetic way, to our relationship with God.

You notice many times in the Bible that God responds to "aroma".  In Genesis 8:21 Noah sacrifices clean birds and animals to God.  The Lord responds to "the pleasant aroma" by stating that never again will He destroy all living creatures as He did with the flood.  In Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers the aroma of a burnt sacrifice is described as a "food offering to the Lord".  It is often referred to as a pleasing aroma.  Knowing the beautiful scent of a burning candle as you walk into a room I can easily imagine why this visual is used to explain the worthiness of the sacrifice to God.

Later, in the New Testament, WE are described in this same way.  In 2 Corinthians 2 the writer describes those who believe in Christ as those who God "uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere".  We are to be the ones that share the essence of Christ with everyone.  That idea, that essence, is the character of Christ that we need to pursue as we move forward on this journey.  Our life is the fragrance of Him moving through this world everyday, everywhere that we are .  And it’s because of our love for Him that this aroma is effective in the first place.  That’s why the idea of two separate lives (or the "church" life and our "everyday" life) is so damaging to who we actually are.  How can that aroma exist if we only share it on Sundays?  Why would we want to do that if we actually love Him?  Our need would be to experience that beauty every moment that we can.  Consequently we have the same problem with becoming sheltered in our church environment.  We were not called to make fragrant church buildings that you can only experience from the inside.  We were created to bloom in the immense garden of our surrounding world, sharing that fragrance and allowing it to sail further and further as the breeze carries it.  It’s not ours to control.  A candle does not control the area affected by it’s scent.  It simply begins to slowly permeate everything around it, wandering from room to room unseen, but adding to the environment as it goes.

The problem that we’ve run into is that we have a tendency to utilize one perfume in our church life and then lay on a thicker, quite pungent (in the words of Ron Burgundy) scent as we encounter everyone else.  In other words we "lay it on too thick" causing some around us to be turned off because we go beyond the essence of Christ and decide to add onto it with our own "church-holy-pious" concoction that has a small hint of Christ in it, but tends to reek of over the top, religious, fake "spirituality".  We don’t smell like Christ.  We smell like a cheap knock off and it sometimes burns the nostrils.

May we all pursue a life that is equal at all times.  May we live to be ourselves so that those around us know who we are so that they might experience the one that has changed our lives.  May the fragrance of Christ flow from you everyday, every moment, in every way. 

May you live in His aroma.

Needs……

As a Christian I am faced with an interesting conundrum that you don’t find in most other areas of life.  I say that knowing that what I’m about to share will be seen as a somewhat foolish notion on the surface, but I think it is important to where we are today as Christ followers.  The question that comes up is in regards to meeting someone else’s needs.  I mean, is a that all we are about?  Are we simply trying to take care of perceived issues that need to be addressed in other’s lives so that they can get "back on track"?  Is it more important to take care of others than ourselves?  Also, what happens if you spend all of your time concentrating on other people but sacrifice your own growth along the way?

I truly believe that we have a need to help others.  I truly believe that Christ called us to that role in many of His teachings.  To say otherwise would be foolish, in my mind.   But where (or at what point) is the line between doing it for the wrong and doing it for the right reason?  Beyond that, what is the right reason at all for "doing" for someone else?

This is where I think that all of our intelligent reconstruction of "church-speak" sometimes gets us into trouble.  Some people will look at the sentence above and say "You shouldn’t be DOING for anyone!  Everything that we DO should be for God, not for ourselves or for anyone else."  I agree.  In fact, I agree wholeheartedly.  Is there the chance, even the slightest, that perhaps we are jumping on words in a way that allows them to have power over our own spiritual life? 

Look at it this way:  Perhaps in my heart I feel things that I don’t say very well.  Simply because I use the word "do" for others that doesn’t mean that I’ve eliminated God from the picture.  It actually means that I’m human and don’t always communicate well.  Now, if I really did MEAN that I’m doing things for others without God’s intentions in mind then, well, I’m screwed up!  But what if that’s not what I was saying?  What if my heart actually yearns for being the person God needs me to be in every situation?

There is the conundrum.  Why do I do the things that I do?  I would pray that my intentions are to pursue what God wants of me and not look to "do" things because it would gain me brownie points or because I thought that there was something in it for me.  I don’t believe that I should shut down, though, just because of the reality of that thought.  The journey towards Christ is one that must be pursued.  You can’t go anywhere by sitting down waiting for the answers to find you.  You must search and find the answers as they come.

Today in our gathering we talked about needs being met.  We talked of times that God has met our needs and how we can bring back to God some small portion of our gratitude.  As I listened to the stories of how people have given back to God, sometimes totally for the wrong reason, I had this simple thought that ran through my mind:

Would I reject the actions of one of my own children just because I wasn’t sure what their intentions were?

Absolutely not.  I would embrace the fact that they are growing.  Even if they don’t get it for the right reasons I would rather they attempt and bless someone else than to become so singular minded that no one else matters.

Why do you do things you do?  Do you expect something in return or are you willing to forgo the adulation that comes so often so that you can be God’s true need in any situation?  Is our church willing to give so freely that it doesn’t matter if anyone notices?

That will be the sign of a true community of true faith.  I say we get rid of the 20% budget item that goes to advertising and use it for something important:

Everyone else.

Why I Need A New Kind Of Christianity

1. I desperately need to be able to ask questions without feeling like I’m “betraying God”.  I don’t want to be given absolute answers & rules.  I want to discover God’s reality in my own life.
2. I don’t really respond well to models.  What is perfect for one group is not necessarily right for another.  Don’t try to force me to fit into your mold.  Allow me to be unique.
3. There are too many opinions and they don’t match.   There are too many times that I’m told that a scripture means “this” and then someone comes along and says it means “that”.  I want to know what Christ thinks.  Your thoughts are your thoughts, not law.
4. I don’t feel effective sitting in a church office all day long and preparing for one big event and one big day each week.  I want to be with God EVERY day, not just Sunday.
5. I’m tired of fighting people who want their own way.  Period.
6. I’m tired of scaring people into heaven.  I’ve watched thousands walk through the doors to get preached at, hundreds make decisions to follow Christ (without understanding it), and then watched them disappear because nobody knows what to do after that.  I would rather see a few people totally get it than to see thousands jump off the cliff like lemmings without a thought of their own, just to repeat the whole process the next time a big show comes into town.
7. I’m tired of designing worship services around the “central theme” so that music, graphics, the bulletins, and everything the greeters say is geared so that it matches the preacher’s message that week.  I don’t believe that you have to preach a series for 4 weeks or people won’t get it.  I don’t believe that there has to be a huge platform with props and the biggest chart in the world for people to understand the love of God.
8. I don’t understand how you can just tell people who are desperately hurting to “Give it to Jesus” and then walk away thinking you actually did something meaningful.  I’m hurting.  I’m confused.  I need something in my life corrected.  Chastising me that I’m too stupid to get the reality of God and then walking away without any action won’t do any good.  I don’t need your words about how I’m screwed up and that it’s easy.  It’s NOT.  Don’t tell me.  Show me.
9. There MUST be something more than just renovating an old Wal-Mart, slapping up screens and a hot band, putting in a Starbucks, creating Disneyworld for the kids, and looking at the upcoming summer movies to know what we’re going to preach on each Sunday.  I want to meet God and meet you.  I can actually live without flash.  I don’t really need fluff.  I need substance.  I need to know that what God said actually makes sense TODAY, not how He fits into the story line of “Pirates of the  Caribbean”.  Entertainment is for us.  Worship is for God.
10. Every time I see a pastor’s face on a billboard I get sick!  Quit telling me to come worship WITH YOU.  I don’t care about you.  You can’t fix me.  I’m hoping that God can.
11. Just because "kids love your church" or you are "kid friendly" that doesn’t make what you’re teaching right, good, or godly.
12. I can tell whether people honestly care about me or are just trying to attract me to the church so that I become a number.  I want to be loved and actually cared about.  I don’t want to be another mark on your church role.
13. I need a place where the money going to help others is outrageous compared to the advertising budget.  I just can’t see Christ saying “Yes!  Citywide mailouts!  That’s what I was talking about!”
14. I need one church leader that is willing to take criticism or questions and not make me feel like I am damaging the whole church.  We’re all just people.  You are just a human being.  It’s not YOUR church.  It’s God’s. 
15. I’ve spent too much time going to church on Sunday and walking out not remembering what was just said.  I know that the pastor practiced his sermon, but that doesn’t always help.  I need to be a part of the discussion.  I want to have an opinion, too.
16. Having something at the church every night of the week doesn’t necessarily help me in my every day life.  As a matter of fact it makes things harder.  I can’t be with the kids, be with my wife, and cover my responsibilities when I also have Monday night cell group, Tuesday prayer meeting, Wednesday services, Thursday night committee meetings, and Friday that I have to babysit for others so they can go out.  Don’t make me feel guilty because I’m not there EVERY time the door is open.  It never closes.
17. I need someone to walk with me on this journey towards Christ.  Giving me all of this attention to get me to make a decision about “salvation” and then dropping me like a hot rock just makes me feel that you needed me as a statistic.  I still have a lifetime to go from here.
18. I don’t want “40 days” of anything.  I want a lifetime of experiences.  Most of the “quickie fix” stuff I’ve done in church was just something the pastor thought was a good idea at the time or part of the growth program to make the church bigger.  My purpose is changing as I grow.  I need to discover that.
19. Concentrating on a huge building is being done for what???  So that more people will come that I will never know?  So that we can have fireworks to go with the pageant on Sunday morning?  No thanks.
20. I don’t want to have conversations anymore with people who nitpic every little word and say that I’m wrong because the words I’m using.  Sometimes it’s someone slamming you because your words aren’t "churchy" enough.  Then others are bashing you because your words are "too churchy".  You know, sometimes what I mean is what I mean and I don’t need you to correct one little word so that it sounds good enough for your wonderfully intellectual mind.  I don’t need to overthink the bible to the point that I’m sitting still trying to make sure that every word I say is "exactly right".  (Whatever that means)  Sometimes you can spend so much time trying to educate yourself about what God means by one little word that you forget that you’ve been sitting there for years looking at it.
21. I want to be honest.  Honest about myself, who I am, what I do, and where I do it.  I’m tired of lying because I don’t want to be chastised by fellow church members.  I despise acting like someone that I’m not because no one at church wants to know the truth.  I am flawed.  I have sin in areas of my life.  I need to be able to admit them without feeling like everyone around me is judging me, talking behind my back, or condemning me.  I’m tired of a fake reality that looks pretty on the outside and chaotic inside, but is ok because nobody knows.  Accept me for who I am.  If you can’t then I don’t need to be the type of Christian that you want me to be.
22. Because I want to experience a real, tangible, living, breathing, totally living in today, overwhelming, amazing, awe inspiring, help me when I’m down, loving, ever-changing, ever-relevant God.  That’s all.

I pray that we are this real.  I pray that I am this truthful.